[Week 4] Yep. This is less fun when you lose.
Womp Womp. Weird shit always happens when Collin and I meet on the fantasy football battlefield. Some days, Collin sends me to Waffle House, other days, we take our dicks out and make 'em kiss.
This past weekend was the latter. I predicted Jim and Drayer to slap some dicks, and so naturally they instead duked it out in the battle for the Edgar, with Matthew Motherfuckin' Drayer taking home the squirrel. I predicted Neil to do his best Jimbo impression and take the JMHM, and while he did his damndest to try for it, ya boi 'Mish edged out Colby for that honor. That ball bounces funny some times.
Elsewhere in the league, Wes dragged
Brooks
down into his swamp and almost had him but grasped defeat out of the jaws of victory at the last second. Mike continued his "Fuck You My Penis is at Worst Average" revenge tour by downing the Pirate. Absentee Ben did something that Jim's never done by pulling out against Neil. And finally, Colby and Broullire had what was the equivalent of two drunk hobos fighting over a sandwich, with Broullire ultimately winning himself the cold cut trio.
The Nerd Report is telling me that Neil is now the new lowest scorer in the league through the first three weeks, something you never want to hear as the 1.01 draft pick.
Brooks
has 3 consecutive weeks being in that week's closest matchup, going full hold-my-dick by being 3-0 in those. He's now 12-10 all time in closest matchups. The dude likes getting fuckin close to other dudes, who am I to judge? Mikeaveragepp is the only league member to be in the top half of scoring each week so far this season. Neil and Wes are the only ones to not be in the top half of scoring in any week so far this season.
Looking at this week:
Drayer had the nerve to call me "Geoff (mr. cocky)" in his Nerd Report. Well fuck you too, bootylicker. I get luckier than Drayer on his wedding night and knock him up, Jeff on top . Matt Broullire's team basically hit those warm gulf waters this past week and surged up to a Cat 5 and he's about to unleash hell like Collin's middle name is Fort
Meyers
, MB on top. Absentee Ben's team is not a good team. It's fuckin' better than Jim's though. Bengina on top. Colby has a flashback to freshman year and takes advantage of a probably-high Wes. Waffle Bitch on top. Neil's team might not have a terrible week, but it's meeting the buzzsaw that's name is MIKE. MIKERAGINGPP on top .
Brooks
' team is already dangerous, will be getting significantly more dangerous once Nuk and
Swift
are active, but this isn't his week. Da Pirate plunders his booty. Pirate on top.
as for the projected awards, I believe:
No one saner than Wes could've predicted that Drayer was snagging the squirrel last week. Let's keep on the weird train, Matthew Broullire takes the only W in the state of Florida this week by grabbing the Edgar.
Well, I sure as shit didn't want to win my first JMHM before my first Edgar, but fuck you fantasy gods. This week, it returns home to Drayer's mantle, although watch out for it's namesake Jim...
Again, not an award I was hoping for last week, but Collin and I had our fun. This week, I could see Neil bringing Mike down to his level and slappin' him with his dick, but I'm going to go with the more obvious choice. Wes and Colby had loads of practice rubbin' sticks in college. Let's let them do it one more time.
Dawgs fucked around and found out last week that giving up 22 points to a scrub ain't fun. That doesn't happen this week. Kirby is loving some SEC road games these days and Mizzou is no different. 42-3, MFing Dawgs on top.
Go Dawgs, Go Jump Shots, Go America!
-Commish
Onto the Rankings!
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Playoff Rankings - Week Four
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)
1(+1). HopfCenter4Kidz WhoCantReadGood 3-0 9-5 86% 18%
2(-1). Ben Has A Bengina 3-0 9-5 82% 18%
3(+1). It's A
Love
Story 2-1 8-6 68% 12%
4(-1). Wes's Ja Morant Jump Shot 2-1 7-7 55% 8%
5(+5).
Zach Wilson
's Mormon Harem 1-2 7-7 55% 9%
6(-1). Waffle Champ 1-2 7-7 47% 8%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(-1). StevedaPirateII Bck4DatATHBooty 1-2 6-8 40% 6%
8(+1). Collin's A VVeiner Sniffer 1-2 6-8 37% 6%
9(-1). Ben Harbin's Absentee Ballot 1-2 6-8 35% 4%
10(-3).
Brooks
' A|\|AL Beads Secret 1-2 6-8 33% 4%
11(+1). **SHOKITINI SAKE BOIZ** 1-2 6-8 33% 4%
12(-1). TheCurse Continued 1-2 6-8 29% 3%
This would put:
Mike and
Brooks
in the Oltman Bowl.
and
Collin and Drayer in the Waffle Bowl.
