[Week 1] A Lil Shorty Due to My Lil Shorty
Gentlemen - - I regret to inform you that this week's LM Note is not only late, it'll also be short. You see, dear reader, after my daughter came last week I've been on a fairly weird schedule where I don't so much have days and nights but rather I live my life in 3-hour increments. Change diaper, change onesie, give bottle, put down, have two hours to do whatever I want (including sleep.)
As such, I nearly forgot that the NFL season starts tonight lol. We get what should be a great game between the Rams and Bills and we also get our first chance to see if
Brooks
and Colby can defend their respective titles. Nobody has ever gone back to back for either the Oltman nor the Kim but damnit, trends are meant to be broken. That's why them Dawgs are running it back as well. Them Dawgs is hell.
Now since we have no previous games to review, we move onto an old feature in a new format, the weekly predictions:
This week, I slapdown Colby now that he's already trolling the wire for a TE (as opposed to trolling Louisville gay bars for a tight end.) Jim and Neil fight to a thrilling conclusion, with, much like the conception of his 100 kids, it ends with Jim on top . Do I even need to review
Brooks
vs. Collin? Let's just say that
Brooks
takes as much advantage of Collin as if he's still slinging free drinks at JR's. In the battle of the man who used to never name his own team with his own jokes to the man who now refuses to do so, Da Pirate takes the booty against Drayer. I can't believe I'm typing these words, but I believe Mike
Elliott
wins a fantasy football matchup this week by defeating Broullire. And finally Wes has his way with Ben and we all laugh about it in the group chat behind Ben's back.
as for the projected awards, I believe:
In the least shocking news ever,
Brooks
seems an obvious choice for this week's Edgar, but I hate being obvious, so I think Michael fucking
Elliott
finally learns what an Edgar even is and takes it home.
On the opposite side of the coin, FantasyPros fucking hates Ben's team. And since I'm still kinda mad at him for leaving the group chat, I'm sticking to their picks. Ben, enjoy your JMHM.
Ahhhh the ole dickslapfest. A time honored tradition. Ben/Wes seems like a very strong candidate, but I think we're in for a surprise here. Jim, Neil, you fellas are officially on dickslap watch. Go ahead and unzip them trousers, boys.
That's all I got this week, guys. Dawgs hang at least half a hundy on Samford and the game ends with Stockton handing off to Savion Clark or some walk-on white RB. Boring running game in the rain, but damnit it's good to be back. Enjoy tonight, text in the group (fuck you Ben,) and I'll see you guys on the flippity flop.
Go Dawgs, Go Jump Shots, Go America!
-Commish
Onto the Rankings!
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Playoff Rankings - Week One
(For the first couple weeks, I will just be looking at FP's Rest of Season power rankings rather than their league analyzer. There's not enough team data for them to consider with the analyzer yet, as it has us all going 7-7 at the moment.)
1. Waffle Champ
2. Ben Has a Bengina
3. You Just Got CPAP'd
4. **SHOKITINI SAKE BOIZ**
5. Wes's Ja Morant Jump Shot
6. HopfCenter4Kidz WhoCantReadGood
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7. Booty Eaters Anonymous
8.
Zach Wilson
's Mormon Harem
9. Jim Can't Spell
10. Collin's A VVeiner Sniffer
11. It's a
Love
Story
12. StevedaPirateII Bck4DatATHBooty
This would put:
Colby and
Brooks
in the Oltman Bowl.
and
Ben and Stephen in the Waffle Bowl.
