[Week 8] Lord, give me strength to change things I can change, and scotch to accept the ones I can not!
We have arrived.
What's that you say? a matchup between a 2-5 team and a 3-4 team can't possibly be a big deal? What about a matchup of two of the top three scorers for the year? What if one of them is coming off a victory vs. the top overall scorer on the year? What if it involves the two loudest and most annoying members of the league? What if the winner gains a shot at making the playoffs while the loser is almost guaranteed a spot in Mike's lap in the cellar?
That's right gentlemen and Wes, It's motherfucking Scotch Bowl Week.
Urban Meyer's Squadron of Hussies is taking on the
King
of Ballsacks, winner walks away with some fermented and distlled malted barley. I gotta be honest, in the preseason I thought this was going to be a matchup of Top 3 teams. I had no idea everyone in the fucking league was going to line up to just absolutely manhandle me, week after week.
Alas, it's ole ballsack and myself just fightin' for relevancy, but I imagine it should be a damn good one, given our weeks as of late. Let's. Fucking. Go.
Before turning our attention to this week, however, let's take a gander back at last week's action:
Jeff v. Collin / 144.03 - 136.73 - - - For goddamned once. Collin tried his damndest to career me as so many before him had, but my fightin' sluts fought back and came out victorious. Collin scored the third highest score of the week, which was a score good enough to give him the top slot in Points For for the year, too. NOT TODAY MOTHERFUCKER.
Ben v. Colby / 101.94 - 100.54 - - - Good gracious, this honestly feels like the divisions year without it being the divisions year. Ben continues to skate by, staying tied for first despite being 8th in Points For. I guess it fuckin' helps when you play the guy who's solidly 11th in PF.... #comeonnnnnnn
Neil v. Broullire / 108.47 - 109.17 - - - Man, this one was back and forth all weekend, with Broullire surprisingly eeking by Neil by a solid 0.7 points. I had pegged this one as the probably DSFGotW, and it was close to Ben/Colby of getting that crown, had it not been for...
Drayer v. Wes / 89.07 - 67.89 - - - Oh my dear heavens.
Wesley
, I've been talking your shit up for weeks now, and you go and do this? You go and out-Drayer the Drayer? I mean sure, you were missing Zeke, but that shouldn't have caused this. Nothing should have caused this. You were 9 points away from making the friggin leaderboard for shittiest score. Do better. You were SOLIDLY the Jim
Martin
,
Hollister
Model this week.
Mike v.
Brooks
/ 92.04 - 155.85 - - - Man,
Brooks
did NOT like me picking Mike to win this matchup. You know, I just figured crazy shit happens during Halloween season, and it was Byepocalypse, and who knows? But alas, you took out all of your frustration with me all over Mike's face. He puts the lotion on his skin, indeed, Mr. Cellar Boy.
Steve v. Jim / 121.94 - 104. 41 - - - Our new scurvy overlord just gave Jim the business. Could it be that in just his second year in the league, Steve-o may be able to come in here and plunder the Oltman? This is my nightmare.
Looking ahead to this week:
Brooks
and I fight for Scotch, as mentioned before. I can't jinx myself by calling that one. Neil beats Ben in a "No YOU'VE had the easier schedule!" bitch fight, Drayer makes short work of Colby as part of his ongoing redemption tour, Broullire survives a close one against Mike, keeping him cellar-bound, Steve and Wes both fight for the Edgar but Cheese comes up short, and Jim quietly continues his assassin tour by dismantling Collin.
Drayer/Colby has Dickslapfest Game o' the Week stank all over it, with Colby taking the JMHM , while I think someone in the
Brooks
/Jeff/Stephen/Wes area code grabs the epileptic Edgar.
Dawgs are eatin' fried gator this weekend, no matter who's behind center. Dawgs score north of 40, Gators score south of 14. Let's say 49-6 in an annihilation. Fuck those motherfuckers. I won't give Drayer an aneurysm by making a Braves prediction, but they just might be those motherfuckers.
Go Dawgs, Go Dance Troupe, GO BRAVES, and as always, Go America!
-Commish
Onto the Rankings!
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Playoff Rankings - Week Eight
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)
1(+1). Steve the Pirate 6-1 10-4 94% 18%
2(+2). League Of Skanks 6-1 9-5 93% 15%
3(-2). Collin Can't Read 5-2 9-5 91% 21%
4(-1). Futbol Is Life 5-2 8-6 82% 12%
5(+0). I Got Fingrd 4-3 8-6 68% 12%
6(+0). Ballsack Aladdin 3-4 7-7 50% 8%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(+0). BenBottom MikeBottom 4-3 7-7 43% 3%
8(+1). Who Hurt Collin 3-4 6-8 28% 4%
9(+2). Urban Meyer's Dance Troupe 2-5 6-8 26% 4%
10(-2). Broullire will blow for FAB$ 2-5 5-9 12% 1%
11(-1). Espn's PC Team Names 2-5 5-9 11% 1%
12(+0). Gym Vom'd On My AirPods 0-7 3-11 <1% <1%
