[Week 6] All Hail Professor Chaos, Bringer of Destruction and Doom!
Buckle up gentlemen and Wes, we've dove headfirst into a bucket of movie popcorn, because it's buttery as hell up in here. Riding his #1 easiest strength of schedule, Mr. Neil Bramblett has taken the pole position in the Oltman and sports the only unblemished record left. Neil usually struggles in fantasy despite scoring a bunch of points, but somehow this year he's succeeding despite... not. Can he keep it up?
As for everybody else, we all collectively pulled our best Stetson-to-McConkey impression and just straight up white-boy-flexed our way to the highest scoring Half PPR week in the history of the league (only Week 8 in 2014 was higher but that was full PPR, plus it was the divisions year which was shit.) I mean, the three highest scores of the season thus far were all set this week, with yours truly, Neil, and
Brooks
all vying for the Edgar but Big Fudge reigned supreme. With my squirrely win, this now means that there's been a new Edgar winner each and every week thus far (Broullire, Stephen, Wes, Colby, Jeff.) The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for the Jim
Martin
,
Hollister
Model award, which has now found its way to Drayer's inbox for the second time this year. Oh
McCaffrey
, where for art thou?
Another interesting nugget dug up by our resident nerds, Mikelilpp has now taken part in the closest matchups THREE separate times this season. Unfortunately for him, he's been on the losing end each time. Some people say there are no such things as curses. Those people are idiots.
Anyway, there's some interesting parity starting to form in the standings, with Mike and Neil now the only folks with any 0's in their columns. I think there's a lot of football left to be played...
Let's recap Week 5:
Drayer v. Jeff / 85.89 - 162.76 - - - Well hot damn. It feels good to be on the giving end of a fuckin' for once. I can't imagine my team keeping that sort of pace on any sort of consistent basis, but it felt damn good to get a bit of revenge after Drayer's record-breaking beatdown of me in the playoffs last year. BenBottom MikeBottom? More like DrayerBottom, at least for now.
Ben v. Wes / 106.54 - 130.37 - - - Ben had his third vulnerable week in a row, and enter the cheese man himself to capitalize.
Wesley
is on a tear leading up to his wedding next week, and I don't like it, you don't like it, but we've got to recognize it. I worry that we all may be looking up at him come year's end... At least provided he doesn't drop
Mahomes
or some dumb shit before then.
Broullire v.
Brooks
/ 87.65 0 156.92 - - - Ouch. Ballsack Aladdin hit Broullire right in the ballsack.
Lamar Jackson
decided to take Patricia Broullire out for dinner and he NEVER CALLED HER BACK. It felt personal.
Colby v. Jim / 89.05 - 135.52 - - - Where the fuck was this Colby last week? I could be sippin' on a paloma right about now, but instead I had to deliver shit to Dumbass Jesus himself. Unfortunately for Colby, he learned that he can't win with
Mark Andrews
by himself, and even worse, after losing Saquon he may need to try to.
Neil v. Collin / 156.09 - 138.56 - - - Geez boys, keep it in your pants. So much for the Demenford Effect. Collin scored what could've won him the Edgar in other weeks while Neil just opened up a straight can of whoopass across Collin's face. I got nothin' but respect for my new #1.
Mike v. Steve / 117.91 - 128.89 - - - Yikes Mike. Scoring triple digies every week but starting 0-5. That's gotta suuuuccckkkkkk. I dunno if it's the curse of skipping waffles or the curse of mocking Jim in your team name or what it is, but I'd throw some salt over your shoulder, do a rain dance jig on your roof, and burn some sage. You've got demons, my friend.
As mentioned before, Drayer was the JMHM this week, and honestly there wasn't a DSGotW. I mean, Jim/Colby was technically the lowest scoring, but they scored enough to almost be highest scoring in every other week we've had. So congrats everybody. Nobody slapped their dicks around.
Looking ahead to this week,
Steve debates whether to even start a defense or kicker against me, Ben takes out his anger on Broullire like a redheaded stepchild (don't let Alex judge your fathering skills based on this beatdown ,) Wes legit probably destroys Colby,
Brooks
gets his shot at the top dawg, Drayer may finally get to kiss CMC again against Jim, and Mike gets one of his best shots out of the cellar against Collin.
Let's get real, Mike/Collin is going to absolutely be the Dickslapfest Game o' the Week, and until proven otherwise, Colby is my choice for the JMHM.
Dawgs get our latest chance to silence the upstarts by absolutely laying the hammer down on Kentucky on Sat. I expect noise and the cats should expect pain. Dawgs cover again but again fall under the point total, Dawgs on top 33-6.
Go Dawgs, Go Dance Troupe, Go America!
-Commish
Onto the Rankings!
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Playoff Rankings - Week Six
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)
1(+1). Futbol Is Life 5-0 10-4 93% 19%
2(+3). Steve the Pirate 4-1 9-5 82% 15%
3(-2). League Of Skanks 4-1 9-5 81% 13%
4(+0). Collin Can't Read 4-1 8-6 80% 13%
5(-2). BenBottom MikeBottom 3-2 8-6 71% 14%
6(+0). Confused Genitalia 3-2 7-7 64% 9%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(+0). Who Hurt Collin 2-3 7-7 38% 5%
8(+2). Urban Meyer's Dance Troupe 1-4 6-8 30% 5%
9(+2). Ballsack Aladdin 1-4 6-8 21% 3%
10(-2). Backstroke Jesus 2-3 6-8 19% 2%
11(-2). Broullire will blow for FAB$ 1-4 5-9 16% 2%
12(+0). Jim Puked On My AirPods 0-5 4-10 5% <1%
