[Week 2] So how was the drive in?
Well, THAT went about exactly as we all planned, yeah?
Sorry for the delay fellas. Work got a bit nuts this week, so this one may be a shorty. Let's review the games!
Auto-draft Ben v. Jeff / 126.73 - 97.12 - - - cool cool cool cool cool. I didn't want to win the Oltman this year anyways. Hot damn. I came in second for the Jim
Martin
,
Hollister
Model award last week and got my ass handed to me by a guy that didn't even fucking show up. Goddamn it, Auto-draft Ben. I started the equivalent of Neil "Heisman" Bramblett at RB2 and shit doesn't look any more promising going forward.
Tom Brady
and
Adam Thielen
(damn you,) two guys that should be on AARP by now, ran all over my ass. If Auto-draft Ben wins the Oltman this year I'm disbanding the league. Sorry guys, had a good run. Let's hang it up.
Collin v. Stephen / 101.59 - 108.93 - - Well, well, well. Collin's team of retards came out and totally proved me wrong. They didn't win, mind you (only three players broke double digits,) but they sure as shit did better than me so *shrug.* Stevie the quiet assassin just picking up right where he left off last year.
Jim v. Mike / 102.27 - 100.24 - - Mikeeeee........ Miiiiikkkkeeeeeeee........ It's meeeeeee, the Ghost of Waffles Yet Uneatennnnnnnn....... Joinnnnn meeeee innnnn youurrrrrr ssyyyruuuppppyyyy doooooooooooommmmmmmm.........
Brooks
v. Drayer / 116.87 - 134.79 - - Yawn. Wake me up when our long national nightmare of these two teams being solid is over. Legit though, Drayer started fuckin OBJ who netted him 0 points, and got negative points from his defense, yet still beat
Brooks
by 18. Can't make that shit up. That score WOULD'VE been enough to lock in the Edgar for Mr. Drayer, if it weren't for......
Broullire v. Colby / 137.04 - 89.8 - - Mr. Broullire, have yourself a day. Getting 75 points from your WRs ain't no thang. A variance of 47.24 points isn't getting you into the Record
Book
on mikelilpp.com, but it's still a damn fine way to start your season. Congrats on the Edgar, which this year is funded by Mike's lil bitchtits. And Mexican Jesús, thank you for taking the JMHM award from yours truly. Welcome back to reality after last year.
Wes v. Neil / 105.32 - 115.3 - - This game also happened.
No, I'm just joking. After slating it for the Dickslapfest Game o' the Week, they came out and totally proved me wrong by both scoring more than me. Neil pulled it out even while grabbin' a big fat donut from
Gesicki
. Well done my dudez.
This week, I get reamed by Jim. Auto-draft Ben continues being an absentee father to his team of geriatrics.
Brooks
takes out his anger by ragefucking Stephen. Drayer and Broullire compete to see who actually gets to be on top. Wes and Mike tickle each other for a lil while. And Colby and Neil just have a good time.
Honestly, I may be a bit self-deprecating here, but I'm gonna select myself as the most likely recipient of the Jim
Martin
,
Hollister
Model this week, and I am also selecting my matchup with the zoolander himself as the most likely Dickslapfest Game o' the Week this week. Until proven otherwise, choosing between
Green
Bay's backup RB, Philly's backup RB, and San Francisco's third string RB as my RB2 is going to set me up for a Waffle Redux. If that happens, can't wait to see if I beat the league record!!! (anything better than Mike's zero waffles already puts me in second.)
Dawgs took care of business last week, they do it even better this week. The lowest three-game start our defense has ever had in terms of points surrendered was 12 points in 2006. We've currently surrendered 3. LFG HBTMFD.
Go Dawgs, Go Greased Melons, Go America,
-Commish
Onto the Rankings!
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Playoff Rankings - Week Two
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)
1(+0). BenBottom MikeBottom 1-0 8-6 73% 16%
2(+5). League Of Skanks 1-0 8-6 61% 10%
3(+2). Steve the Pirate 1-0 8-6 60% 10%
4(+4). Futbol Is Life 1-0 7-7 57% 9%
5(+5). Who Hurt Collin 1-0 7-7 57% 9%
6(+0). Collin Can't Read 1-0 7-7 53% 8%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(-5). Jim's Drive-By Cold Cut Vomit 0-1 7-7 52% 10%
8(-5). Jim's Greased Melon Faceplant 0-1 7-7 42% 7%
9(+0). Creamy Is Me 0-1 7-7 42% 7%
10(-6). Backstroke Jesus 0-1 7-7 40% 6%
11(+2). JIMBOS GOT THE SHAKES 0-1 6-8 32% 4%
12(-1). Jim Puked On My AirPods 0-1 6-8 29% 4%
