We were getting ready for a big celebration. We were winning everything and all of a sudden it was just called off. - Week 11 Recap & Week 12 Rankings
This is a fraud on the American public. This is an embarrassment to our country. We were getting ready to win this matchup. Frankly, we did win this matchup. We did win this matchup. So our goal now is to ensure the integrity of the matchup for the good of this nation. This is a very big moment. This is a major fraud in our nation. We want the law to be used in a proper manner. So we’ll be going to the ESPN Fantasy Offices. We want all point accumulation to stop. We don’t want them to find any more Taysom Hill points at four o’clock in the morning and add them to the score. Okay? It’s a very sad moment. To me this is a very sad moment and we will win this. And as far as I’m concerned, we already have won it.
-The Commissioner of the Oltman Bowl
Wow. So how 'bout that drive in, eh? Guess that's why they call it Sin City. What a weekend. Brooks *perfectly legally!* used a QB in a TE slot, and yet I was still less than 2 yards away from beating him. That may have been the most devastating loss I've experienced, minus last year's Waffle Bowl. I've considered all of the possibilities, even outside of the obvious Taysom Hill Conundrum. What if my kicker didn't miss the BS extra point he missed? What if *any* of my skill players had fallen forward at any point in the game? I'd be sitting in first place, a lock for the playoffs.
As it stands though, I dropped below Ben into 3rd, lost my auto-bye, and still have to face a shockingly resurgent Colby and Broullire. Lose both of those and there's a real shot at missing the playoffs. Yikes times ten, as they say.
Other matchups last week were as follows:
Colby v. Mike - 120.83 - 85.34 - - Colby is still Colby, but he no longer is getting Colbied. That has me worried going into this week's matchup with him. Mike on the other hand is in a frenzy sending hydroxychloroquine to the Coleman, Gaskin, Swift, and Ekeler households, as he slides down into the role of the sole owner of the Cellar timeshare. It all comes down to one game, as he says.
Broullire v. Drayer - 143.48 - 119.93 - - Uh... what? What just happened? Did Drayer get Colbied? Is Broullire... good? I am suddenly terrified of the Week 13 continuation of the Bourbon Bowl. A couple more wins and Broullire could do the seemingly impossible and sneak his way into the playoffs. It is 2020, after all...
Ben v. Neil - 101.06 - 94.75 - - I think y'all must've taken it personally when I chose y'all to be this week's Dickslapfest Game o' the Week. You both came out and left it all out on the field. Despite an utter shitshow by his Falcons players, Ben pulled ahead and kept it steady throughout the weekend. Ben's looking like a lock for the playoffs, and he isn't even the tallest midget division leader this time around. Love it.
Wes v. Collin - 111.45 - 101.59 - - What are these scores!? The Kim Bowl Bracket came to fuckin' play in Week 11! I picked Wes to be the Jim Martin Hollister Model and he turns around and scores his second highest point total of the year. If I could post gifs in these things I'd post that Michael Jordan gif "and I took that personally!" I'm gonna double down on what I've maintained for weeks, The losers bracket is going to be fuckin' quality television, y'all.
Stephen v. Jim - 73.54 - 100.67 - - Yikes. Stephen's team all collectively decided to shit the bed at the same time except for *checks notes* Curtis Samuel and his kicker. That's... not a recipe for success. Stevie's lookin' like a strong candidate for the thrilling Kim Bowl Bracket... can Jim escape? Who's to say.
Where does that leave us? Drayer now has a lock on the playoffs, with an almost-lock on a first round bye (thanks to my loss.) We have 8(!) teams all within a couple games of each other, which makes them all candidates to round out the remaining 5 slots of the playoffs. Wes, Collin, and Mike seem to have already booked their tickets to the Kim Bowl Bracket. A couple former locks for the KBB seem to be surging, so who knows where we'll be sitting in two weeks. Thrilling!
Coming up this week, Colby probably annihilates me, Brooks tries to put out the raging Broullire inferno, Ben tries to keep Mike in his place, Drayer gets an easy win against Wes, Collin and Jim tickle each other, and Neil and Stephen look to be dead fuckin' even.
Because of that, I'm choosing Blackout BTK's Booty Shorts vs. My Name's Not Adam Schifter as this week's Dickslapfest Game o' the Week. Who's going to get out of the other one's way? Who's to say. (Sorry to choose you twice in a row, Neil!) As for the Jim Martin Hollister Model, I'm gonna choose the person facing Jim and select mike lil pp. I just feel like he's gonna shit the bed against Mr. Hollister himself.
Enjoy your turkey this week, boys! Go Dawgs, Go Tortilla Fight Boiz, Go Elastic Waistbands!
-Commish
Onto the Rankings!
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Playoff Rankings - Week Twelve
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)
1(+0) Premature Venmolation 8-3 9-4 100% 33%
2(+0) The Tortilla Fight Boiz 7-4 8-5 99% 16%
3(+1) COVID Jesus 6-5 7-6 92% 17%
4(-1) Cancel 2020 7-4 7-6 92% 9%
5(+1) Aggressive Ass Wipe Walk-in 6-5 7-6 85% 13%
6(-1) Blackout BTK's Booty Shorts 6-5 7-6 55% 4%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(+2) Collins Got Pussy Boy Tires 5-6 6-7 27% 3%
8(+2) Marginal Fucks Given 5-6 6-7 24% 2%
9(-2) My Name's Not Adam Schifter 5-6 6-7 24% 2%
10(-2) mike lil pp 4-7 5-8 3% <1%
11(+1) Fuck Me Until You Love Me 4-7 5-8 <1% <1%
12(-1) 3 Cup Beer Pong PTSD 3-8 4-9 -- 0% 0%
