Who's in Greater Denial? Trump in Losing the Election? or Wes in Owing F1 Bet Money? - Week 10 Recap & Week 11 Rankings

Seriously though. Wes seems to relish in the fact that he owes the league an extra $29 (and counting, quickly,) at draft time next season. He's already planning on an F1 text that's worthy of $30. I really wish we had some way of increasing his penalty...

That's enough about Wes though. If I don't stop talking about Wes soon, next thing you know these LM Notes are just going to be filled with pictures of my dog, links to jambands or EDM tunes, and thoughts about the moon at any given moment. Toss in a couple innuendos about eating ass, and you've got yourself a full-on Cheesucopia.

This past week had some fantastic matchups, most of which I assumed would be a whole lot closer than they wound up. The closest matchup ended up being between a couple of Cellar Bubble teams in Collin vs. Broullire, and that was just because Jimmy Graham shat the bed for Broullire late Monday night. We didn't even really get a true Dickslapfest Game o' The Week because all other matchups had someone clearly pull away. Let's review:

Mike v. Jeff - 68.21 - 102.53 - - What else is there to say? I had this game pegged as the probable Dickslapfest Game o' The Week (it's gonna be a thing) but then as per yuge, Kyler Murray said fuck that and took the game over himself. As for Mike, there's no way in hell I'd go as far as to point out that had he played Jones & Gallman instead of McKinnon & Fulgham, he would've won by two. I'd never sink that low.

Drayer v. Brooks - 132.52 - 103.44 - - Man, this one had the makings of a classic when the weekend got started. In an ironic turn of fate, Tom Brady was the one player to NOT let Brooks down this week. Drayer regains his regular threshold of scoring after suffering a shocking loss last week......... ;)

Neil v. Colby - 64.51 - 98.07 - - This was probably the closest thing we got this week to a Dickslapfest Game o' The Week, as both of these teams were surprisingly underwhelming. Colby scored in the double digits for just the second time this season, yet Neil's team failed to capitalize while struggling mightily just to maintain their dignity and avoid falling below the "Jim Martin Horizon" (read: anything sub 50 points.) Being down CMC, Golladay, and Mahomie all at the same time is gonna hurt, no matter who you are.

Collin v. Broullire - 94.31 - 91.21 - - pass.

Jim v. Ben - 105.83 - 85.07 - - BEN! Benny boy. Benjamina. Woof. You've had a surprisingly profitable 2020 thus far, essentially acting as the "Zoom stockholder" of our league, yet you fall to Jim of all people. I tell y'all what, the race for the playoffs the next three weeks will be fascinating, as I honestly don't know who out of Neil, Ben, Brooks, Colby, and Stephen is gonna get left out in the cold. There could even be a surprising Collin or Jim appearance! But once Week 14 hits, the Kim Tourney is going to have ALL the fireworks. I can't wait to see the march toward Waffles between everyone.

Stephen v. Wes - 121.49 - 97.4 - - Ah yes, The Last of the Stephicans is the latest person to use Wes as their personal punching bag, posting his second highest score since Week 1. The lone bright spot for our cheesiest friend was that Corey Davis tripled the score of AJ Brown... so... congrats? I guess?

Looking toward this week - Brooks and I give yet another potential preview of the future Oltman Bowl, only this is what would happen if Alvin Kamara tore his ACL before the playoffs (I am not wishing for a player to injure himself. I'm no monster.) Colby tries not to embarrass himself against Mike's Squad of Injured RBs, Broullire decides whether or not to even field a team against Drayer, Ben and Neil match up in what I'm being told has all the conditions for dick-slapping, Wes & Collin promise hilarity in a potential preview of the Waffle Bowl, and finally the two sneakiest teams who will both probably miss the playoffs face off when Stephen takes on Jim.

Now that I keep reusing the same sayings in all of these posts, I'm gonna start issuing some predictions. the DSFGoTW goes to the game most likely to feature two teams who can't derp their way to a win, and the Jim Martin Hollister Clerk award goes to the person most likely to score sub-50 points:
Dickslapfest Game o' The Week - The Storm Trackers at WSBTV have alerted me that they're tracking a massive dick-front moving eastbound from Birmingham to Atlanta, and there's a a strong likelihood of a Dickslapfest brewin' in Blackout BTK's Booty Shorts vs. Cancel 2020.
Jim Martin Hollister Clerk - Honestly, this is a tough one. I never would've predicted Neil last time. May be a cop-out, but I'm going to go with the big Cheese himself and predict Fuck Me Until You Love Me to take home the JMHC.

That's all she wrote, folks. Go JT Daniels, Go Tortilla Fight Boiz, Go Brad Raffensperger.
-Commish

Onto the rankings!

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Playoff Rankings - Week Eleven
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)

1(+0) Premature Venmolation 8-2 10-3 100% 34%
2(+0) The Tortilla Fight Boiz 7-3 8-5 99% 17%
3(+1) Cancel 2020 6-4 7-6 76% 6%
4(+2) COVID Jesus 5-5 7-6 76% 12%
5(-2) Blackout BTK's Booty Shorts 6-4 7-6 73% 7%
6(-1) Aggressive Ass Wipe Walk-in 5-5 7-6 70% 12%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(+0) My Name's Not Adam Schifter 5-5 7-6 54% 6%
8(+2) mike lil pp 4-6 6-7 22% 2%
9(+0) Collins Got Pussy Boy Tires 4-6 5-8 17% 2%
10(-2) Marginal Fucks Given 4-6 5-8 13% 1%
11(+0) 3 Cup Beer Pong PTSD 3-7 4-9 <1% <1%
12(+0) Fuck Me Until You Love Me 3-7 4-9 <1% <1%