The Real Georgia Team Showed Up to Everbank Field Total Landscaping by Mistake - Week 9 Recap & Week 10 Rankings
What a weekend. The election is finally over despite any sore losers alleging fraud, the Dawgs decided to go ahead and crush all hopes for this year and focus on next year, and I get to slap Drayer directly in his face.
Honestly at this point, the slap is just icing on the cake. That win went a LONG way toward moving me as far away as possible from a Waffle Repeat. I gotta say, if the unthinkable happens and I wind up losing the Kim Bowl this year, y'all might have to force-feed me those buttery demons. I still wake up in a cold maple syrupy sweat from time to time thinking about the sheer amount of chewing I did that day. It's also not just waffles. I can't look at ANY batter-based breakfast treat the same way. Pancakes? Nah dawg. Crepes? save those for the sorostitutes at Pauleys. I'm not even sure if I'd be able to stomach a corn dog. A CORN DOG! I've officially got PTWD.
Elsewhere in the league:
Mike v. Neil - 100.06 - 137.54 - - Don't look now, but NeilTheThrill is actually putting togeth- .... wait, what was that? Ah damnit, CMC is back out. Seriously, The Great White Buffalo is slowly turning into Mr. Glass. At least you got 32 points out of him in the interim and effectively shut Mike down despite Mike achieving triple digits for the first time since Week 5. Damn Mike, it sucks to get Colby'ed and slide on down to #12. That cellar's getting mighty mighty crowded. I think the Kim Tourney might be more interesting than the winner's bracket this year.
Brooks v. Collin - 73.87 - 82.82 - - Speaking of disappointing lil pp's, we arrive at Brooks. For real though, "mike's lil pp" was very similar to Mike's real lil' pp in that it was surprisingly disappointing yet it still got the job done. (I'm still super excited for you and Kelley, don't hate me!) In what was very much his lowest output of the year, Brooks shockingly fell to cellar-dweller Collin on the back of Tom Brady's worst NFL game ever. Brooks was last seen driving down I-75 South toward Tampa Bay for what I assume to be an entirely above-the-board reason...
Colby v. Jim - 136.61 - 90.4 - - Well, well, well. It took back-to-back matchups against cellar dwellers for Colby to stop Colbying out. Congrats, I guess? He has one more cellar-dweller on his schedule in Mike next week, but the other 3/4ths of his remaining schedule consist of folks tied for 2nd place. Yikes.
Broullire v. Stephen - 96.59 - 70.41 - - Well, Stephen did finally decide to field running backs in this game, but it didn't wind up helping him too much as they combined for about 13 points. They turned out to not really be the main issue though, as everybody outside Matt Ryan and JuJu Smith-Schuster absolutely shat the bed when they saw the Broullire Juggernauts step onto the field. Broullire's team may finally begin rounding the corner, with the return of Chubb imminent and Ekler probably not far behind. That, or he'll slide back down into the cellar. Who's to say, really?
Ben v. Wes - 105.66 - 79.22 - - Ah... back to beating up on Wes. After reeling off three straight surprising wins, Colby and Ben have rightfully put Wes right back where his team belongs. With games remaining against Stephen (should stephen elect to field a team this week...), a tricky Collin, and then *checks notes* Drayer and Brooks...... Wesley, prepare your stomach my friend. I'd recommend taking laxatives a few hours before walking into the WaHo.
Jeff v. Drayer - 116.97 - 114.17 - - I'll refrain from gloating, as this was an insanely close matchup that shouldn't have been as close as it was. It literally took the Saints taking a shit on Tom Brady's chest, thus causing both teams to pull their starters for Drayer to fall to me, and that was even just by 2.7 points. It appears that the Georgia Sports curse applies not only to Georgia teams, but also to Drayer and Donald Trump. Do with that what you will. Meanwhile, I'll be working out my wrist to prepare for Drayer's face. (I tried a few different ways of writing that sentence and there was no possible way of NOT making it sound like I was jacking off to prepare to bukkake Drayer, so... I'll just leave it as it is.)
Coming up this week, Drayer and Brooks give us a possible preview of the Oltman championship game, Neil attempts to show Colby what the old-school version of Colbying, called Neiling, really looks like, mike lil pp fucks around with Broullire, Ben looks surprisingly weak against a stellar cellar dweller Jim, Stephen probably continues the Wes Beatdown streak, and Mike and I star in what will probably end up as the Dickslapfest Game o' the Week.
Dawgs are off because the rest of the league can't handle their shit when it comes to global pandemics (plus, we and Bama are probably just a shit ton better at keeping it under wraps.) And the Falcons are off because who wants to watch that shit anyways. This weekend is about one thing and one thing only, falling asleep mid-beer during Masters coverage. Enjoy it boys, we get it again in just five short months*.
*Pfizer vaccine pending
-Commish
Onto the rankings!
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Playoff Rankings - Week Ten
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)
1(+0) Premature Venmolation 7-2 9-4 >99% 33%
2(+1) The Tortilla Fight Boiz 6-3 8-5 92% 14%
3(+1) Blackout BTK's Booty Shorts 6-3 8-5 85% 10%
4(+1) Cancel 2020 6-3 8-5 84% 8%
5(-3) Aggressive Ass Wipe Walk-in 5-4 7-6 78% 12%
6(+1) COVID Jesus 4-5 6-7 66% 11%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(-1) My Name's Not Adam Schifter 4-5 6-7 35% 4%
8(+1) Marginal Fucks Given 4-5 6-7 33% 4%
9(-1) Collins Got Pussy Boy Tires 3-6 5-8 12% 1%
10(+1) mike lil pp 3-6 5-8 12% 1%
11(-1) 3 Cup Beer Pong PTSD 3-6 5-8 3% <1%
12(+0) Fuck Me Until You Love Me 3-6 4-9 1% <1%
