Like a Cockroach in a Nuclear Holocaust, May I Introduce Mr. Brooks Sawyer - Week 13 Recap & PLAYOFFS FIRST ROUND Preview

Some things just simply never die. Taylor Swift's popularity, my hunger for the McRib, and finally, Brooks Sawyer's Oltman pursuit. How did we miss this? I wrote an entire predictions note last week and somehow never caught on to the fact that Broullire beating me would trigger the apocal-- sorry, I mean trigger a three-way tie that'd allow Brooks to waltz into the playoffs despite losing to Wes(!) Just absolute insanity.

After the stat correction, which many people thought to be karma from attempting a QB/TE cheat code, and ending up on the playoff bubble, I don't think anyone expected this. Mr. Sawyer, I hereby name you The Most Interesting Team of the Year. It may or may not yet end in a 4th Oltman trophy and being crowned the first back-to-back winner, but damn what a ride it has been. Wow. Meanwhile, Jim took his surprising fall into the abyss with what some may call a surprising nonchalance; basically saying "huh, that sucks." to the news. Glad to see he's been paying attention, having finally spent some of his FAAB for the first time this year. Good luck with the miscreants down there Jimbo.

Let's review this week's matchups before moving onto some End of the Regular Season stats:

In the upper bracket, Drayer & I both have the week off. Drayer's team will sit and just get hungrier to feast on whoever comes out of his side of the bracket, while The Tortilla Fight Boiz have been quoted as saying "Dear God just let us get healthy in our bye week." Seriously. Someone give Antonio Gibson a damn toe for christsakes.

Neil and Colby battle once more for the "Most Screwed" title, with neither of them realizing that that award was already given to Binford Griffin by the Atlanta PD. Oh dear God I cannot believe I just wrote that. Am I allowed to write that? Does it make it any better if I acknowledge that Neil's already engaged to a smokeshow that's twice the woman she ever was? Yikes. Well with that joke alone, Neil's probably revvin' up his team in anger so watch the fuck out Colby. This one may ultimately hinge on whether or not CMC is available which ain't lookin' great thus far.

Brooks takes on Ben with revenge in his eyes. No, not revenge from the regular season, because Brooks handled Ben then, too. Motherfucker's comin' for me and he's comin' hard (that's what she said.) I think one of my favorite dynamics this year though has been Ben's shocking confidence when it pertains to going up against Brooks. I fucking love it. Keep up the shittalking Ben. Believe me from last year, losing's a lot more fun if you shittalked your way to it...

Down below the line:

Broullire versus Jim in the "I can't believe we're below the fucking line" Bowl. Both of these teams need just one win to avoid the Waffle Bowl but only one of them can get one here. This might be the closest matchup of the week, at least on paper. Broullire's been surging, but Jim's team is unpredictable as fuck (almost as much as Collin's.) Should be a good one. If one of these teams winds up in the Waffle Bowl eventually, something's gone wonky. Cheer for wonkiness.

Wes and Stephen face each other in what should be a weird one. Wes's team has been terrible all year (except for beating Brooks last week, what up?) but Stephen's team is new to this whole being-bad thing. It's a clash of New Suck vs. Old Suck and we shall see who sucks just a wee bit worse. It's fucking weird that with a win here, Wes can guarantee safety from the Waffle Bowl. I did NOT expect that going into this season, but that's where we're at.

Finally, the matchup Brooks so lovingly dubbed "The Loser's Bye." Yes my friends, it's Mike & Collin Week and we couldn't be happier. In a Rum Bowl Revenge game, the winner here still ain't done yet. These two lovelies need two wins in order to avoid the Waffle Bowl and by God I honestly have no idea what to expect. Does Julio or Davante go apeshit and propel Collin into Round 2? Does Mike's Frankenstein monster mixmatch of RBs pull him through? This is the game this week I'm most interested in. GIMME SOME FUCKING FIREWORKS BITCHES. Dance for me, Derek.


Onto some fascinating stats, compiled for us by our resident nerds Brooks & Drayer.
They not only love crunching numbers, they also love each other. I think I saw Drayer touching Brooks' pocket protector once. Scandalous.

Closest Games:
-Jeff was in the weekly closest matchup 4 separate times, he went 3-1.
-Brooks was in the weekly closest matchup 3 separate times, he went 0-3.
-The season's closest matchup? Jeff vs. Brooks, aka The Taysom Hill Conundrum. Jeff won by 0.04.

Highest Scoring Games:
-Drayer was in the weekly highest scoring matchup 7(!) total times, he went 5-2.
-Colby was in the weekly highest scoring matchup 5 total times, he went 1-4.
-The highest scoring matchup of the year: Drayer beat Jim 166.27 - 125.66 for a combined point total of 291.93.

Lowest Scoring Games:
-Mike was in the lowest weekly scoring matchup 4 times, went 1-3.
-Wes was in the lowest weekly scoring matchup 3 times, went 0-3. Yikes.
-Lowest combined scoring matchup? Jim beat Collin 87.39 - 45.91, a combined total of 133.30. Aka, Jim and Collin could've teamed up that week and still lost to Jeff, Brooks, or Drayer. Yikes again.

In total, and this will factor into Edgar Award payouts (highest weekly scorers:)
-Drayer's scored highest 4 weeks, Brooks 3 weeks, Colby 2 weeks, Broullire 2 weeks, Jeff 1 week, and Collin 1 week.

For lowest weekly scorer:
-Stephen 4 weeks, Neil 2 weeks, Broullire 2 weeks, Mike 2 weeks, Wes 1 week, Jeff 1 week, and Collin 1 week.

Random stats:
-Brooks is the first 6-7 team to make the playoffs since Michael Elliott in 2016. Before that it was done by both Colby and Brooks in 2015, and Ben in 2014 (infamous divisions tallest-midget year.)

-Drayer's 1680 regular season points is the highest point total since we switched from full-point PPR to half-point PPR, eclipsing Jeff's 2018 total of 1627.37. Colby's 1598.68 total this year slots into the third-most ever.

-Mike's 1116.25 is the third worst point total ever since the switch from full-to-half.

-This year is also the largest gap between 1st place and 12th place we've ever had at a differential of 565 points. The previous high was 443. Huge discrepancy this year.

The bad news for Drayer and good news for Mike? Only once has the top scoring team won the championship and the bottom scoring team has NEVER lost the Kim. The final finishes in the regular season for the ultimate champion previously: 2nd, 1st, 2nd, 4th, 9th(!) and 2nd.

-New historical Total Points For:
1. Drayer - 10,328.49
2. Brooks - 10,312.50
3. Jeff - 10,124.57
4. Neil - 10,058.21
5. Colby - 9,918.38
6. Jim - 9,779.81
7. Collin - 9,747.90
8. Broullire - 9,705.02
9. Adam/Stephen - 9,653.43
10. Wes - 9,405.38
11. Mike - 9,347.11
12. Ben - 9,207.77

Looking that over, (this year aside) is there anyone who has done more with less than Mike? And is there anyone who has done less with more than ... me? Hot damn, I'm the motherfucking Mark Richt of the league.

Oh well. Happy Playoffs everybody!

Go Dawgs, Go Tortilla Fight Boiz, Go America!
-The Commish