Week SEVEN Power Poll - Sorry, Not Sorry
Yeahhh, your 'mish skipped Week 6. Losing to Ben sucked. Losing to Broullire after Diggs got me 40 points off the bat was worse. Losing to Drayer will be devastating. But thems the breaks when you're cursed. My only solace is that Drayer could steal the WaHo Challenge right out from under me, and while QUITE unlikely, there's still the possibility of Brooks missing the playoffs. A broken man may dream, am I right?
It doesn't help that everyone plays their best game against me too. If I took the average of the points against Colby and compared it to my average points for per game, I'd be 6-0. "But this sport isn't about averages! Wahh!" I can hear Brooks already bitching. Well, if I look at our two actual schedules week to week, I'd be 4-2 and tied for second had I played Colby's schedule. All I'm saying is that this is a weird ass sport and the oblong ball bounces funny sometimes. This is my year for shithood. Next year could be yours, dear reader. Time to start channeling my inner 2009 or whenever, when I started 0-6 and made the finals on the back of Timmy Tebow.
Elsewhere in the league, Adam had the chance to keep Brooks below the line and blew it. So... I guess you're probably too cool for that too aren't you Schifter? Mike's team has almost reached Super Saiyan, and with the trade raping of Jim (after the fantasy raping last week,) I fear it may be too late for the rest of us. Colby continues to excel against the soft bigotry of low expectations. Don't worry Drayer, you're up against me this week so 150pts incoming. Lastly, Ben lost Dissly for the season, so I guess his team is just The Shits now. Slide into my DMs bro, Greg Olsen's on the block and he's got Scam returning.
Collin, Wes, no real fun storylines from your matchup. Collin was 2nd place at one point, but he's slid down the stairs to the cellar with me and Drayer. Cheesedick, you're gonna get bounced from your own wedding. That's it. That's the joke.
Onto the updated Power Rankings brought to you by "Jeff's-Never-Renewing-His-Subscription" FantasyPros:
---------Power Rankings----------
12. - Colby's L'Ville Whistleblower - Jeff Ostenson
Current Record - 0-6, Projected Record - 3-10, Rank Change - SAME, Playoff Odds - 0%
11. - Doesn’tMatter HadSex - Matt Drayer
Current Record - 1-5, Projected Record - 4-9, Rank Change - SAME, Playoff Odds - 1%
10. - Colby Top, Jeff Bottom - Neil Bramblett
Current Record - 2-4, Projected Record -5-8, Rank Change - Down 3, Playoff Odds - 7%
9. - Dissly and the Shits - Ben Harbin
Current Record - 3-3, Projected Record - 6-7, Rank Change - Up 1, Playoff Odds - 14%
8. - Frosted Tips 😎🔥 - Adam Schifter
Current Record - 3-3, Projected Record - 6-7, Rank Change - Up 1, Playoff Odds - 34%
7. - Broullire’s FOMO - Collin Hopf
Current Record - 2-4, Projected Record - 6-7, Rank Change - Down 3, Playoff Odds - 44%
-----PLAYOFF LINE-----
6. - Bagels And Brats - Jim Martin
Current Record - 4-2, Projected Record - 7-6, Rank Change - Down 1, Playoff Odds - 58%
5. - Team Ro’Lo - Matt Broullire
Current Record - 4-2, Projected Record - 7-6, Rank Change - Up 2, Playoff Odds - 69%
4. - It Was One Tit, One Time - Mike Elliott
Current Record - 4-2, Projected Record - 8-5, Rank Change - Down 2, Playoff Odds - 88%
3. - Team Freddy T's Wifi - Colby Grant
Current Record - 5-1, Projected Record - 9-4, Rank Change - Down 2, Playoff Odds - 93%
2. - Papa Terry's 2nd Mich Ultra - Brooks Sawyer
Current Record - 4-2, Projected Record - 9-4, Rank Change - Up 4, Playoff Odds - 96%
1. - Team Cut Like Shredder - Wes Robertson
Current Record - 4-2, Projected Record - 9-4, Rank Change - Up 2, Playoff Odds - 96%
Here. We. Go.
-Commish
