[ROUND ONE] WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME BITCH
Here we fuckin' go. It's the playoffs baby, and you've either got Oltman glory or Waffle shame on the line. Who will reign supreme and who will have maple syrup dreams? LET'S FUCKIN' GO
Let's take a look at last week and the regular season in review, shall we?
Last week was weird, huh? Most of the matchups were fairly onesided, and settled before the weekend was over. Ben and Neil, last week's clear top two, decided to both collectively bend over and turned the top of the table into a four-way, securing Ben his first Jim Martin, Hollister Model for the season. In fact, Ben's 78.65 was so low that even with Jim ALMOST winning his third consecutive Edgar, Ben and Jim's matchup also wound up as last week's Dickslapfest Game o' the Week. Quite a week for two of the league's frontrunners, that's for sure.
That all being said, Jim did not wind up winning his third consecutive Edgar. Instead, Deandre Hopkins literally gave up the cartilage in his knee on one final catch in order to secure me the second Edgar of my terribly disappointing season. Rest well, faithful soldier. Now I get to trot out some sort of lineup of scrubs just in time for the waffle tourney. Fantastic.
As for a recap on the regular season as a whole - -
With my second Edgar, I joined elite company. Neil, Stephen, Jim, and myself all earned two Edgars on the season. One of these is not like the others, lol. *finger guns* Everyone else in the league got at least one Edgar, except for Collin and Ben. Don't worry fellas, you still have a couple weeks to avoid being the only ones to miss out on Mike's waffle bitch money. Make it happen (unless I wind up against you in the loser's bracket, Collin.)
With Ben's JMHM, he also joins elite company. Drayer and Colby both had THREE(!) JMHM awards this season, Broullire and Mike both had two, and Ben joins Stephen, Wes, and Collin who have all won one.
You may have noticed that Jim never won his namesake award. It's better than that - - Jim finished in the top half of the scoring week by week 10 out of 14 weeks. He went 4-1 in matchups that were highest weekly scoring. He went 3-1 in closest weekly matchups. Damn he's gonna be a load when he comes off bye unless his whole team sprains an ACL. Jim may be gunning for his second Oltman at this rate - - who's gonna stop him?
Overall, this season has had incredible parity, even with Mike basically sucking the entire season (sorry bud... it's true.) This season had the smallest spread between the highest scorer and lowest scorer of all time (average of 24.05/week.) The previous season with the most parity was 2019 with a spread of 27.43/week, and the highest was last year (2020) when Drayer basically ran train on the league (until the end of course) and Mike started his long train of sucking ass.
Stephen made the playoffs without spending a single FAAB dollar. I missed the playoffs while spending $1005 FAAB dollars. Fuck this guy.
We had a few new entries onto mikelilpp.com this season (to be updated in the offseason:)
-Fewest Points in a Single Game - Colby, Week 11 with 44.11 takes #4 all-time
-Highest Combined Point Total in a Game - Neil & Collin, Week 5 with 294.65 takes #9 all-time
-Lowest Combined Point Total in a Game - Jeff & Broullire, Week 9 with 125.77 takes #2 (briefly #1, supplanted quickly by...)
-Lowest Combined Point Total in a Game - Brooks & Colby, Week 11 with 123.58 takes #1 all-time lowest combined point total. Congrats fellas.
All in all, it was a fantastic regular season, and no matter what happens the rest of the way I appreciate you all (not Ben) for taking part in the draft and having a damn good time throughout the season. Depending on how close to waffles I get in the next three weeks we'll see if I post any more LM Notes but if I don't, just know that y'all fuckin' rock.
As for Round One:
Neil, Jim, Mike, and Colby all take up a hobby together during their byes. Let's say braiding friendship bracelets. Their work is shoddy, but the results are cute. Keep it up fellas. Stephen and Ben have a massive derpfest and somehow win the DSGotW in the winner's bracket. Stephen takes the W though and starts his prep for Neil. Ballsack and Drayer match up for what feels like the 7th time this season. GOD GET A ROOM ALREADY. Ballsack teabags Drayer tho, legit. I ride into the weekend full of jeffitimism, but suffer an embarrassing defeat to Broullire as if I started Stetson at QB (tbh I may have to depending on Josh Allen's ankle.) And finally, Wes and Collin are only one point away from each other on this week's FantasyPros power rankings, so this should be a good matchup. My guess is that it ends like it typically does whenever these two get drunk and start fighting though... Collin on top.
My predictions are usually bullshit, but they're based on FantasyPros which is also bullshit, so at least I'm consistent. If these predictions are accurate however, our semifinals would be:
Oltman:
Stephen v. Neil
Ballsack v. Jim
Waffle:
Jeff v. Mike
Wes v. Colby
And so. it. begins.
Dawgs:
If I don't write another note before NYE, just know that the Dawgs are coming out mad. Harbaugh's boys haven't seen a defense like ours, and they haven't met our running backs either. A healthier Dawgs team makes a strong statement heading into a rematch with Bama, and the Oltman text group finds new ways to wring their hands for four more weeks. Dawgs on top and eatin' oranges 37-14.
As always,
Go Dawgs, Go Dance Troupe, & Go Fuckin' America,
-Commish
Final Standing Predictions: (based on FantasyPros)
1(+2). Collin Can't Read
2(-1). Futbol Is Life
3(+1). BenBottom MikeBottom
4(-2). League Of Skanks
5(+1). Steve the Pirate
6(-1). Ballsack Aladdin
7(+1). Who Hurt Collin
8(-1). Public A_$$ Bleeder
9(+1). Team Dumpster Fire
10(-1). Urban Meyer's Dance Troupe
11(+1). Espn's PC Team Names
12(-1). Need More Tuddies
Mike back down to #12. That was a fun week at #11, eh?
