Optimistic Jeff is Crashin' In like One of Wes' Shitty Formula 1 Drivers - Week 1 Recap & Week 2 Rankings

What is this feeling? Is this what Mike, Drayer, Brooks, etc. feel every year? For once, I'm not the one scrambling to fill an injury-riddled lineup, or spending OVER THREE QUARTERS OF MY SEASON FAAB BALANCE after Week One. I know, I know, Jeff Optimism cometh before a massive fall and I'm sure my team will be lain waste by The Broullire Juggernauts this week. But for now, for at least one more day, I am going to savor this feeling. It'll keep me warm when I'm eventually spending 48 hours in a waffle house.

Around the league, we had multiple tough battles last week that kept us up late on Monday like the degenerates that we all are. Here's a recap of the week 1 matchups:

Jeff v. Colby - 138.27 - 131.01 - - What's that you said? "A seven point victory over COVID Jesus isn't worth all this bullshit overconfidence, Commish?" Fuck that. I'll take 2nd place in points all day. Colby's team is one to watch though. I for one, did not expect Josh Jacobs to explode for 34 points right out of the gate.

Broullire v. Brooks - 87 - 97.05 - - Oh man, this one was a nailbiter for most of the weekend. Up until James Conner and Evan Engram did their best "Thielen/Miller" impression and totally shat the bed for Broullire and Derrick Henry did justtttt enough to pull Brooks through.

Collin v. Mike - 93.13 - 104.68 - - This one was never in much doubt after the first few games, however with a lil over 20pt combined 3 ways, Mike has to be worried a bit about his RB corp. I suppose he's saying "Thank God for Adam Thielen." which is some shit you'll never hear from me.

Wes v. Drayer - 57.63 - 145.38 - - Well, well, well, have yourself a day Mr. Drayer. And.. do whatever is the opposite of that, Wesley. Wow. This was ALMOST the third time someone has been tripled up on. We've come close, but best I can tell, only Jim has been tripled, and it happened twice in 2017. Oh well Wes, there's still time this season!!

Stephen v. Neil - 131.35 - 99.2 - - In what was the most surprising result of the week, The Team Formerly Owned by Adam came out of nowhere and put an extra 32 points on one of the post-draft frontrunners. These teams will be interesting to watch. Can McCaffrey and Mahomes carry Big Neil? Will Ingram wake up? Time will tell.

Jim v. Collin - 116.17 - 120.29 - - Ah, the truck battle of who's got the smaller wiener. Weirdly, apparently Mike does, as mike lil pp came out victorious. Oddly, it's one of the "named after his sons" players that dropped the ball for Jim, as Cooper Kupp failed to live up to his ADP in Week 1. CEH will be fun to watch this season though, so I'm predicting a bounceback.

Coming up this week, we've got the much anticipated Formula One Bowl. Will Wes be forced to cease all F1 chatter in the text group? Will he start a second text group specifically for F1 talk and invite us all against our wills? Or will he shock the world and force Brooks into a weekend of mediocre television streaming? Will Brooks become a Ferrari fan, or whatever the fuck they cheer for in that sport? Time shall tell.

We also have Leg 1 of the two-part Bourbon Bowl. Broullire, I prefer wheated bourbons.

Other intriguing matchups - - Ben vs. Colby. Was Colby's week 1 showing a fluke? Can Ben get a solid win under his belt? Mike vs. Stephen. Same thing, can Stephen continue shocking the world against another post-draft favorite? Mike's team is limping into this one, can he pull it together? Neil vs. Collin. The battle between mike's lil pp and ben's booty shorts. Words I never expected to type.

That's it for this week, fellas. Next week we get the DAWGS!!
-Commish

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Playoff Rankings - Week Two
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. This will change every week (mostly.)

1(+2) Premature Venmolation 1-0 8-5 83%
2(+3) The Tortilla Fight Boiz 1-0 8-5 81%
3(-2) 3 Cup Beer Pong PTSD 1-0 8-5 77%
4(+3) Aggressive Ass Wipe Walk-in 1-0 7-6 62%
5(+3) mike lil pp 1-0 7-6 59%
6(-4) COVID Jesus 0-1 7-6 55%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(-4) Blackout BTK's Booty Shorts 0-1 6-7 47%
8(+1) Collins Got Pussy Boy Tires 0-1 6-7 39%
9(+3) My Name's Not Adam Schifter 1-0 6-7 36%
10(+1) Hope n' Hopf GA Guvnah 2030 0-1 6-7 27%
11(-5) Marginal Fucks Given 0-1 5-8 20%
12(-2) Brook's Ass Formula 0-1 5-8 12%