[Week 14] Lol Sorry Bout That, Guys
Every time I look back on old LM Notes (conveniently located at www.mikelilpp.com,) I always tell myself “self, you’re not going to skip any weeks this year, even once you start losing.” Then I go on to have a few shorties, a few late, and just full on skip weeks 12 and 13 entirely. I never know how much y’all appreciate these notes until we go a day (or week, or weeks) without one and voice your displeasure. Damn, I’m just glad somebody’s out there reading my bullshit. Anyways, a week at the beach with the in-laws for thanksgiving prevented Week 12, and Kat’s last week of maternity / prepping for me to go back ON paternity prevented Week 13, but WE’RE BACK BITCHES.
It’s Week 14 gentlemen and Wes. Decision Week, as it were, and there are loads of scenarios still up in the air. We will get to those and what to expect next week in a second, but first let’s review what happened this past week.
I managed to squeak past Jimbo, mainly due to injuries to Lamar and Hayden Hurst. It didn’t hurt that Derrick Henry had a shit day, too. There wasn’t really a true Dickslapfest this week, but if there had been one it probably would’ve been Colby eventually having his way with Collin on a day where Collin’s best player was pretty much Youngho Koo. If not that one, then I’d have to pick Mike skullfucking Wes despite having a pretty weak week himself. Wes earned himself a nice lil JMHM in the process. MB also had a nicely surprising win against Brooks, Drayer took care of business against Neil, locking him in the cellar and into a loser’s bye, and Ben just absolutely dragged Stephen, leading to his 5th epileptic squirrel of the season.
This was Ben’s second consecutive beatdown (largest win margin,) and Ben is 6-0 in those matchups this year. This was also Ben’s 11th week in the top half of the league in scoring, whereas Neil has been in the top half only once this year. Neil’s getting close to a historical mark, depending on how Week 14 goes. Only twice in history has a team gone only one week in the top half of scoring (Mike in 2017, Colby in 2016,) so Sgt. Butters is keeping elite company!
Now looking ahead to Decision Week - -
Collin and I are both on the playoff bubble, so what better time for us to face each other? Nothing bad has EVER happened to me whilst facing Collin. Certainly not flashing back to the 2019 Waffle Bowl or anything. Thankfully I’m not counting on Adam Thielen this week. Unfortunately, Aaron Jones and Christian Watson are on bye so I AM counting on Diontae Johnson lol. Collin beats me this week, and complicates the bottom of the playoff bracket in doing so. Speaking of bubbles, Jim and Drayer also match up. Drayer wins, but if Jim pulls the upset it’ll further complicate things. MB also has a chance at the playoff, but to do so he’s got to beat Colby. Unfortunately for the man from America’s wang, I think Colby pulls it out. In a tale of two seasons, Ben takes on Neil. There’s nothing on the line here as both teams have locked up their respective ends of the table and respective byes accordingly, but wouldn’t it be funny for Neil to pull this one out? Unfortunately like Jim, he just can’t pull it out. Ben wins and heads into the playoff as a total juggernaut. Brooks has a chance at the second winner’s bye, but he’s gotta get past Wes first and like I always say, only cool kids lose to Wes. Brooks must not be a cool kid though, because he ain’t losing to cheesy wonder. Unfortunately though Brooks also needs Mike to lose to Da Pirate, which just ain’t happening this week. Mike wins and locks down the second winner’s bye.
So just to recap playoff scenarios:
1) Ben already has a winner’s bye
2) Mike’s in a good position for the second, owning the head-to-head win against Brooks. But if he loses to Stephen and Brooks beats Wes, Brooks grabs the second bye.
3) Lil Boy Bramblett’s got a loser’s bye locked down
4) Colby also has his locked down. Even if he beats Broullire and Stephen loses to Mike, Stephen owns the head-to-head against Colby, so Colby owns the second bye.
5) The middle of the table is a clusterfuck, no two ways around it. Drayer and I are currently in, but there are scenarios in which Collin, Broullire, Wes, and Jim all could sneak in. I can’t promise to break down all of the scenarios, but let’s see…
6) If either/both Drayer and I win, we’re in.
7) Collin needs: to beat me, have Drayer lose, and have Broullire lose
8) Broullire needs: to beat Colby, and have me lose by 9 points more than his win margin against Colby
9) Wes needs: a miracle. Seriously, we’re getting deep into Points For margins and stuff, it probably ain’t happening
10) Jim needs: an even bigger miracle than Wes
I’m confident I missed quite a few scenarios, but that’s just from a quick look at things! Lots of possibilities this week. To recap, I think Ben takes his sixth squirrel because honestly, who’s going to stop him at this point? And Stevie Wonder is snagging a Jim Martin, Hollister Model, and if Mikey fucks around enough, that just may be the Dickslapfest Game o’ the Week too. For now though I’m assigning that to me and Collin. Shit always goes down when I tussle with the Baitshacker.
Dawgs are done until NYE, but let’s be honest who knows if I’ll write another note in the interim. Dawgs handle OSU like we handled Tennessee, by knocking Stroud on his ass. Dawgs take it 45-17 and prep for beating Michigan for the B1G Champio— I mean national championship.
Bonus pick — Ole Big Balls ties Garrison Hearst by finishing 3rd in the Heisman voting this Saturday. Brooks and Mike still call for his benching midway through the first quarter against Ohio State. Neil and I continue to verbally fellate him in defense.
That’s all she wrote, folks.
Go Dawgs, Go SadSacs, Go America!
- ‘mish
Onto the Rankings!
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Playoff Rankings - Week Fourteen
(remember that this is looking at your schedule and estimating 1) final rank, 2) final record, 3) odds of making the playoffs. 4) odds of becoming champion. This will change every week (mostly.)
1(+0). It's A Love Story 12-1 13-1 100% 36%
2(+2). HopfCenter4Kidz WhoCantReadGood 8-5 9-5 100% 16%
3(-1). Ben Has A Bengina 8-5 9-5 100% 18%
4(+2). Mikey Elliott's SadSac Emporium 7-6 7-7 82% 8%
5(-2). TeamNameWon'tBe OnTrophyAnyway 7-6 7-7 76% 8%
6(-1). **SHOKITINI SAKE BOIZ** 6-7 7-7 52% 6%
- - - - - - - - - - - Playoff Line - - - - - - - - - - -
7(+2). Zach Wilson's Mormon Harem 6-7 6-8 46% 4%
8(-1). Whoop That Trick 6-7 6-8 23% 2%
9(-1). Desparation Name Change 6-7 6-8 22% 2%
10(+0). StevedaPirateII Bck4DatATHBooty 5-8 5-9 <1% <1%
11(+1). Waffle Champ 4-9 5-9 -- 0% 0%
12(-1). Stetson IV Heisman 3-10 3-11 0% 0%
